God is Good.

Since I last provided an update, Carolyn's health has miraculously improved a little bit each day. Last Wednesday and Thursday we thought she had maybe a few days or up to a week left. Melissa and I even took Thursday and Friday off work because we were certain it would be her last coherent days. Well here we are one week later and she is much improved.

I asked Hospice about this and our contact - Jackie - said that it sounds like Carolyn had bile build-up that just needed to pass through her system. Really? It was as simple as that? Last week, she couldn't keep her eyes open for longer than 5 minutes before drifting. And her conversations with us were confusing and unclear - she was saying the oddest things. But then each day since then she has been able to stay awake a little longer and is getting her personality back.

However, other aspects of her health continue to steadily decline.

• She gets weaker and weaker every day. Soon she won't be able to walk upstairs at all, which means she will need to stay downstairs permanently. She stays in her hospital bed on the main floor all day. Showers in the morning are difficult. It takes us around 3 hours to get ready in the morning because she needs to take so many breaks to rest between taking her pills, coughing up mucus, getting in the shower, washing, getting out of the shower, getting dressed and depending on what's going on that day - blowdrying her hair and putting some makeup on. 
• She doesn't eat much either, but not because she isn't hungry. Absolutely nothing tastes good. So at least once every hour, I try bringing her bites of different food to eat just in case it tastes good to her in that moment. It's pretty unpredictable which means my fridge is filled with the most random food that only has a few bites taken out of it. Because of this, she has lost 30+ pounds in one month! She has to wear my jeans because her old jeans won't stay up. 
• She has difficulties with reading and writing. It's hard for her mind to grab onto things so she has to use all her concentration to read or write. Why is she reading and writing? Well she has several last minute projects she is trying to finish up before she goes. Notes to her grandchildren, etc. And I bought several recordable children's books for her to record her voice for her grandchildren to read later. Which on that topic, we bought the COOLEST book for each of her grandchildren to have called "Grandma and Me". She sits down with one of her grandchildren and together they answer questions about Grandma that gets recorded. It's so adorable and fun - and amazing moment in time captured forever. Chandler and Taylor LOVE their books. I bought one for my future grandchildren where together Mom and I recorded conversations of us talking about her. I told her that instead of giving the book to my children, I might keep it and listen to it before bed every night. :) 

Today, she had a doctor appointment at the Simon Cancer Center. I wouldn't have believed it if you told me last week that she would be able to actually make her appointment. I was certain she either wouldn't be here by today or that she would be too ill to get out of bed. Well after spending several hours this morning trying to get her ready, we were off in the freezing rain to go see her doctor one more time. 

He was surprised to see that she was still doing decently well but at the same time not in disbelief. She has been a trooper and a fighter throughout this whole ordeal that it is no wonder that she would continue to shatter the odds. So of course we asked our favorite question - how long do you think she has left? And he answered ... "You don't have days - that's for sure. But I would say anywhere between a week and four weeks." I think our jaws dropped collectively. A week to four weeks doesn't sound like a significant difference in time to the average person, but for those of us in the midst of this - that is a HUGE gap. Especially for Melissa and I as we are in difficult situations determining when to take time off work to spend with her. If she has one week left, we'd want to spend every moment with her. But to spend 4 weeks away from work is not realistic. It's a difficult decision either way especially given how much work it is to care for her. She needs someone to stay home with her at all times now and it is unpredictable as to when she would need help - so taking calls at home becomes difficult. Either way we are so grateful for any extra time with her. Thankfully, both of our employers are supportive of the situation and have assured us to take the time we need.

Please be praying that Carolyn will get the sustenance she needs each day - physically and spiritually. She is still anxious to go to heaven, but we are praying that her last days on earth will not be stressful for her. Please also be praying for Melissa and I. This is a really stressful situation for us in more ways than one. So many people have wanted to see her for "the last time" and so not only are we trying to care for her needs and health, but we are entertaining guests on a daily basis. Which isn't to complain - we want everyone to be able to say goodbye and don't want to be selfish with her time. But nonetheless we are emotionally and physically drained.