I wanted to provide you an update on her final moments as they were so perfect and just the way she would have wanted them. On Friday, I had asked my husband to take the day off work so that we could go grab brunch together since it had been so long since he and I had had that kind of time together. My sister and one of my mom's best friends, Debra, came to be with her so that we could go out. I truly thought that she had at least another week left at this point - even though she was sedated, hospice had guessed she would go into a coma and survive another week. While I was out, hospice stopped by and told Melissa that Carolyn had started the death rattle and she didn't think there was much time left at all. So I rushed home and we called the entire family over to have final moments. After a couple hours of sitting in her room together talking about memories, the family left since we figured she still had at least a few days to go.
I had had very little sleep for several weeks at this point and was exhausted so I figured I would take a nap. Debra stayed in the room with Carolyn to read scripture. Melissa went downstairs to eat some dinner. I started to drift for a few minutes when at 7pm I heard Carolyn make some noise. I then realized I'd almost forgotten it was time for her next round of meds. I went into her room, gave her the medicine and then sat down. Melissa came up with some cookies for the three of us. We sat and talked about heaven while eating cookies when at 7:15, my mom took a really long gasp and then paused for the longest 10 seconds of my life - we didnt know what to do. Obviously we were at peace with her passing but it's really hard to resist trying to revive her in that moment. 10 seconds later she took one last breath. In that last breath, my heart popped in the oddest way and I knew - she was gone. I didnt have to wait for another breath. That was when it hit me so so so hard. She was gone. The grueling caretaker duties that had kept my mind off of what was really happening were removed. I had just lost my mom. But I was also so relieved that her last moments were perfect. Talking about heaven, cookies and all three of us there. I almost missed it 15 minutes prior by taking a nap. But God timed it perfectly. He guided all of us into that room at 7pm.
Her funeral was perfect. It was everything she wanted and it honored her and God so well. Below are the speaking notes from the officiant and the verses that I read in remembrance of her.
My Mom
by Kristen Hamerstadt
Many have asked over the last couple of years, what it was
that gave my mom so much peace and courage in facing death. And how was she so
certain that she would be going to heaven? She accepted Jesus into her heart as
a young girl … but it doesn’t stop there. Over the course of her life she built
a beautiful relationship with God. A love story if you will. She actually
catalogued her love story with God in this diary that she one day knew her
daughters would find and read. She
started this journal in 1997 and throughout her life she would update it with
her thoughts, her growing relationship with God, and her favorite Bible
verses. She has SO MANY favorite Bible
verses. In fact a couple months ago I asked her which scriptures she wanted me
to read at her funeral – she opened her Bible and started naming so many
passages that it would have taken an hour to go through all of them. So for the
sake of time, I’ve selected a few verses to read that my Mom penned in this
journal that spoke to her in key moments in her life as well as some select
passages penned by her.
Psalm 56:8 - (Mom penned an author’s paraphrased version of
this verse) “God feels your sorrow deeply. He says “The thought that your tears
would flow without anybody noticing is so appalling to me that I’ll collect
every tear you shed, put them in a bottle and present them to you in heaven so
you’ll know the extent of my concern for you.”
David spoke about how Mom had to climb difficult mountains.
And there were many. But they made her so so much stronger. I can imagine Jesus
giving her the bottle of tears as soon as she stepped into heaven saying “Well
done my faithful servant, as you have loved me I have also loved you.” Here are
a few verses that helped her during some of the difficult times.
II Corinthians 12:10 – “For when I am weak then I am strong”
I Peter 4:12-14 – “Do not be surprised at the painful trial
you are suffering as though something strange were happening to you. But
rejoice that you participate in the suffering of Christ, so that you may be
overjoyed when His glory is revealed.”
Hebrews 13:5 – “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
I don’t know how many times she quoted Hebrews 13:5 to me
and Melissa when we were experiencing difficulties. It was a verse that she
penned often in her journal and was the verse she included in her first letter
for me and Melissa to read after she had passed away. I will never leave you
nor forsake you. She said it was God’s way of giving us a hug and a pat on the
knee. Those in the Broughton family will know that a pat on the knee from
Grandma Phyllis was the ultimate sign of affection. It was the same with my
mom.
It wasn’t all trials and tribulations for my mom. When those
closest to her describe her it always comes back to how she found joy in the
simplest things. Whether it’s sitting down to a fresh cup of coffee, gardening
in her flower beds, taking some time out for yogurt topped with strawberries,
reading to her grandchildren … she found DELIGHT in them. In the same way she
found delight in God.
Genesis 9:16 – “Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds,
I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living
creatures of every kind on the earth.”
God spoke to Mom and gave her little signs of His undying
love for her. She called them his little
“winks” to her. One that was constant was that God would send her a rainbow
when she needed it the most. She’d look up in the sky, discover the rainbow,
and remember … God’s promises never fail. I had the privilege to be with Mom
during a couple rainbow sightings and you should have seen the look on her face
– she was completely enraptured. She wrote about another “wink” from God in her
journal. “ September 21, 2008 – Another special wink from God. Today after church,
I was reading my Bible when I spotted a little tiny hummingbird outside my
bedroom sitting on a limb. At first I couldn’t believe it was a hummingbird
just sitting there! They never sit still! I got up and got very close to the
window and the limb was very near. He was facing me. I could see his long
needlepoint beak – he sat there for 5 minutes! Then when he got up, he darted
around that branch for a few minutes with the characteristics of a humming bird
before darting off!
In closing, I wanted to read a verse that Mom penned that
just describes her love story with God so perfectly. And is the “secret”, if
you will, to finding peace, understanding and JOY in the face of death.
Lamentations 3 – Because of the Lord’s great love we are not
consumed, for His compassion never fails. They are new every morning – great is
your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion therefore I will wait for Him. The
Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him, it is
good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Let him sit alone in
silence for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust –
there may yet be hope. For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though He
brings grief He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.
We love you, Mom - with all of my rainbow heart.
Carolyn
Neal
by David Kampert
A
little over a year ago I was driving down I-44 in Southern Missouri. I had recently taken a new job in St Louis
which required me to travel. As I was
driving I got a Facebook message. It was
Carolyn. I decided to pull over to see
what it was about. To be honest I was
still experiencing a little bit of shock from learning a few months earlier
that she had terminal cancer. Carolyn
was messaging me because she wanted to ask me about today. Since that day in Feb of 2014 I’ve been
thinking about what to say on this day. Not
because it’s a struggle to come up with something but rather a struggle to come
up with words that can adequately describe the sacrificial, devoted, and
despite her circumstances joyful life she lived. To try to put into words who Carolyn was, who
she was to each of you, and to describe her extremely personal relationship
with Christ only lessens the reality of what that was. There is so much lost in translation. It’s like standing on a beach and taking a
picture of a magnificent sunset or standing on a mountain peak and capturing a
photo of 20 other peaks in the background.
Only to get home and see the photos and realize, they don’t compare to
the real thing. Pictures always pale in
comparison. My words today will pale in
comparison to the woman that Carolyn really was. Most of us in this room today had the privilege
of knowing Carolyn. Honestly, there is
no way to capture the beauty of those moments.
If you’ll allow me I’d like to share a “few photos” that I believe
highlight who Carolyn was and how following her example can help us become more
like Christ.
(SUN AND BLUE SKY)
The
first photo I want to share is a photo of a brilliant sunny sky. I want each of you to pause for a moment and
think of that perfect sunny day. It’s
mid-morning, 65 degrees, the air is cool but as you turn your face to the sun
you can feel it’s warmth on your cheek.
The sky is a most brilliant blue.
When I think of this day it brings a smile to my face and feeling of joy
to my heart. This is what Carolyn did
for everyone she met. She was that
radiant sun that warmed your face. Her
gentle and joyful spirit overflowed into her wonderful smile. Carolyn had the best smile. Her whole face would light up. I remember it was 1999 and I was working for
State Farm Insurance at the time. I
remember walking into an office and being greeted a very nice
receptionist. As I walked in she greeted
me and had a smile from one ear to the other.
I thought, “Wow this lady is really happy to see me!” I quickly discovered she greeted everyone that
way. It wasn’t just me. It was who Carolyn was. Carolyn’s smile wasn’t a forced attempt to
cover up how she really felt so others would always think everything was
ok. Her smile came from the overflow of
her heart. She had such a joy about her
that was very encouraging and heart warming.
You always felt better after being with her. Her inner joy allowed her to find beauty and
fun in the simple things of life. Whether
she was playing games with her daughters or praising God at the top of her
lungs on Makinaw Island while riding her bike, her joy was always evident. It was always evident because her joy wasn’t
dependent on external circumstances. It
came from a deep, abiding relationship with Christ.
Carolyn
personified Psalm 16:11, “You make known
to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
How’s
your smile? How’s your heart doing? I know it’s heavy today but how’s your
joy? Do you find joy in the simple
things or are you always searching for that next new thing to bring you
joy? You’ll never find true contentment
or joy in anything or anyone. You’ll
only find it in Christ. The same joy
that Carolyn possessed was not an exclusive right. It’s available to us all.
(MOUNT FUJI)
The
2nd photo that I think represents Carolyn’s life is that of a rugged,
snow-capped mountain. 10 years ago my
family and I had the opportunity to go to Tokyo, Japan on a mission trip. While we there a group of us, including my 10
yr. old and 12 yr. old sons, decided we were going to hike Mount Fuji. I don’t know if you’ve ever hiked a mountain
like that before but it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever
done. Despite how difficult it was, we
all made it the top. There were certainly
points along the way where I really questioned why I was doing what I was
doing. Times I wanted to quit. Times my sons wanted to quit. But we kept going. Carolyn’s life was not without her own Mount
Fuji. In fact she probably had more than
1. In fact I would say that we all have
stood at the base of our own mountains and struggled with the choice of whether
to climb or to stay. Carolyn always
chose to climb. Not only to climb
herself but she’d climb with her daughters in tow. As only a mother could do, she never left her
daughters behind. No matter how difficult it was, she did whatever she had to
do to bring them along. How does someone
do that? How do they make it through
such difficult times? They’re able to
climb that mountain because they don’t set their hearts on where they are. They set them on where they’re going.
Hebrews
12:2 reads,
“Let us
fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy
set before him endured the cross, scorning it’s shame, and sat down at the
right hand of the throne of God.
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you
will not grow weary and lose heart.”
Where
is your heart when you find yourself in the valley? Do you find your heart seeking God or
questioning God? Are you listening to
people who want you to stay in the valley or people who want to join you in the
climb? Some of you in this room joined
Carolyn on her climbs. I know that Carolyn
would want to thank you for joining her, for being there to support her, to encourage
her, and probably at times to carry her when she couldn’t go on herself. We need each other. Everyone one of us in this room struggles. Everyone one of us has issues. You don’t have to stay where you’re at. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, God is
for you, not against you.
Carolyn
would tell you, lean into Hebrews 13:5, “I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever,
leave you or forsake you.” No matter how
painful or difficult life gets, you’re never alone. In Carolyn’s darkest days, days when she
didn’t feel like smiling, days when she didn’t feel like climbing, she rested
and reminded herself, “God is with me.
If God is for me, then no one can stand against me?” Her truth is your truth because it’s God’s
truth. Embrace it.
(SUNSET)
The
3rd and final photo that I wanted to share is that of a glorious
setting sun. There’s nothing I love
better than standing at the edge of the ocean and watching the sun fall into
the sea. The reds, yellows, oranges, and
purples swirled across the sky. I could
watch it a 1000 times and never grow tired of it. There are days we all wish would never
end. Sunsets we all wish would never
come. In the last year I’m sure there
have been many of those days as many of you were blessed to be able to spend
time with Carolyn. But the harsh reality
is that life on this earth, just like the setting of the
sun, will come to an end. The writer of
Ecclesiastes said it like this in Ch 3:1,2
“There is a time for
everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be
born and a time to die…”
Most people don’t want to think about
the end of their lives. Not until
circumstances force us to. For the last
year Carolyn was forced to think about hers.
Just like every other time when she was dealt a hand of cards she didn’t
deserve, Carolyn did what she always did – she looked up, she looked
forward. She looked beyond what she
could see to a place she couldn’t see or touch or feel - at least in her
physical body. But in her heart, it was
as real to her as the room we’re all sitting in. What gave her the ability to do that? Her faith.
Carolyn’s life verse was, Psalm 28:7,
“The Lord is my
strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My
heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.”
Carolyn trusted God because he’d
helped her many times before. Her trust
in God was born out of adversity, not privilege. Carolyn knew God the way she did not because
she’d led an easy life and had received everything she always wanted, but
because she experienced God whether she had a little or a lot. Carolyn’s life should inspire us to not think
of God as this mystical being in the bye and bye but rather to think of him as
a father in the here and now. He
doesn’t just want to be the God of
heaven, he wants to be our Father right here, right now. He was her strength and shield. So when faced with life threatening cancer, death
had no sting for her because she believed the same Father that had met at the
bottom of every other mountain she’d had to climb before would be there for her
to climb this one as well. Her belief
was so strong you could see it in her eyes.
Even her doctor, who’d seen many a person gazing into death’s door,
noticed something different about her.
The difference was not just who she was, it was who she was with. With her Father by her side, even death was
nothing to be afraid of.
Carolyn’s life was an inspiration to
so many. For those of us that share a
common faith, we have hope that goodbye is never forever. I have no doubt that we will see Carolyn
again. What a glorious day in heaven
that will be. I’m sure she’s already
busy helping prepare our reception.
As we leave this place I pray that
each of you will take comfort in this verse from Lamentations 3:22-25, “22 Because of the Lord’s great
love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is
your faithfulness. 24 I say to
myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” 25 The Lord is good to those
whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;”
May he comfort us all and give us
strength until that glorious day when all of us who have received his precious
gift of salvation through his son Jesus shall join him and all of our loved
ones in Heaven.
Amen
