Thursday, June 11, 2015

Her Last Day

Hi Everyone. It's taken me awhile to provide an update here, but I needed some space away from everything and have been trying to figure out what the new "normal" is.

I wanted to provide you an update on her final moments as they were so perfect and just the way she would have wanted them. On Friday, I had asked my husband to take the day off work so that we could go grab brunch together since it had been so long since he and I had had that kind of time together. My sister and one of my mom's best friends, Debra, came to be with her so that we could go out. I truly thought that she had at least another week left at this point - even though she was sedated, hospice had guessed she would go into a coma and survive another week. While I was out, hospice stopped by and told Melissa that Carolyn had started the death rattle and she didn't think there was much time left at all. So I rushed home and we called the entire family over to have final moments. After a couple hours of sitting in her room together talking about memories, the family left since we figured she still had at least a few days to go.

I had had very little sleep for several weeks at this point and was exhausted so I figured I would take a nap. Debra stayed in the room with Carolyn to read scripture. Melissa went downstairs to eat some dinner. I started to drift for a few minutes when at 7pm I heard Carolyn make some noise. I then realized I'd almost forgotten it was time for her next round of meds. I went into her room, gave her the medicine and then sat down. Melissa came up with some cookies for the three of us. We sat and talked about heaven while eating cookies when at 7:15, my mom took a really long gasp and then paused for the longest 10 seconds of my life - we didnt know what to do. Obviously we were at peace with her passing but it's really hard to resist trying to revive her in that moment. 10 seconds later she took one last breath. In that last breath, my heart popped in the oddest way and I knew - she was gone. I didnt have to wait for another breath. That was when it hit me so so so hard. She was gone. The grueling caretaker duties that had kept my mind off of what was really happening were removed. I had just lost my mom. But I was also so relieved that her last moments were perfect. Talking about heaven, cookies and all three of us there. I almost missed it 15 minutes prior by taking a nap. But God timed it perfectly. He guided all of us into that room at 7pm.

Her funeral was perfect. It was everything she wanted and it honored her and God so well. Below are the speaking notes from the officiant and the verses that I read in remembrance of her.



My Mom
by Kristen Hamerstadt

Many have asked over the last couple of years, what it was that gave my mom so much peace and courage in facing death. And how was she so certain that she would be going to heaven? She accepted Jesus into her heart as a young girl … but it doesn’t stop there. Over the course of her life she built a beautiful relationship with God. A love story if you will. She actually catalogued her love story with God in this diary that she one day knew her daughters would find and read.  She started this journal in 1997 and throughout her life she would update it with her thoughts, her growing relationship with God, and her favorite Bible verses.  She has SO MANY favorite Bible verses. In fact a couple months ago I asked her which scriptures she wanted me to read at her funeral – she opened her Bible and started naming so many passages that it would have taken an hour to go through all of them. So for the sake of time, I’ve selected a few verses to read that my Mom penned in this journal that spoke to her in key moments in her life as well as some select passages penned by her.

Psalm 56:8 - (Mom penned an author’s paraphrased version of this verse) “God feels your sorrow deeply. He says “The thought that your tears would flow without anybody noticing is so appalling to me that I’ll collect every tear you shed, put them in a bottle and present them to you in heaven so you’ll know the extent of my concern for you.”

David spoke about how Mom had to climb difficult mountains. And there were many. But they made her so so much stronger. I can imagine Jesus giving her the bottle of tears as soon as she stepped into heaven saying “Well done my faithful servant, as you have loved me I have also loved you.” Here are a few verses that helped her during some of the difficult times.

II Corinthians 12:10 – “For when I am weak then I am strong”
I Peter 4:12-14 – “Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the suffering of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed.”
Hebrews 13:5 – “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

I don’t know how many times she quoted Hebrews 13:5 to me and Melissa when we were experiencing difficulties. It was a verse that she penned often in her journal and was the verse she included in her first letter for me and Melissa to read after she had passed away. I will never leave you nor forsake you. She said it was God’s way of giving us a hug and a pat on the knee. Those in the Broughton family will know that a pat on the knee from Grandma Phyllis was the ultimate sign of affection. It was the same with my mom.

It wasn’t all trials and tribulations for my mom. When those closest to her describe her it always comes back to how she found joy in the simplest things. Whether it’s sitting down to a fresh cup of coffee, gardening in her flower beds, taking some time out for yogurt topped with strawberries, reading to her grandchildren … she found DELIGHT in them. In the same way she found delight in God.

Genesis 9:16 – “Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

God spoke to Mom and gave her little signs of His undying love for her.  She called them his little “winks” to her. One that was constant was that God would send her a rainbow when she needed it the most. She’d look up in the sky, discover the rainbow, and remember … God’s promises never fail. I had the privilege to be with Mom during a couple rainbow sightings and you should have seen the look on her face – she was completely enraptured. She wrote about another “wink” from God in her journal. “ September 21, 2008 – Another special wink from God. Today after church, I was reading my Bible when I spotted a little tiny hummingbird outside my bedroom sitting on a limb. At first I couldn’t believe it was a hummingbird just sitting there! They never sit still! I got up and got very close to the window and the limb was very near. He was facing me. I could see his long needlepoint beak – he sat there for 5 minutes! Then when he got up, he darted around that branch for a few minutes with the characteristics of a humming bird before darting off!

In closing, I wanted to read a verse that Mom penned that just describes her love story with God so perfectly. And is the “secret”, if you will, to finding peace, understanding and JOY in the face of death.

Lamentations 3 – Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassion never fails. They are new every morning – great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion therefore I will wait for Him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him, it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Let him sit alone in silence for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust – there may yet be hope. For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.


We love you, Mom - with all of my rainbow heart.


Carolyn Neal
by David Kampert

A little over a year ago I was driving down I-44 in Southern Missouri.  I had recently taken a new job in St Louis which required me to travel.  As I was driving I got a Facebook message.  It was Carolyn.  I decided to pull over to see what it was about.  To be honest I was still experiencing a little bit of shock from learning a few months earlier that she had terminal cancer.  Carolyn was messaging me because she wanted to ask me about today.  Since that day in Feb of 2014 I’ve been thinking about what to say on this day.  Not because it’s a struggle to come up with something but rather a struggle to come up with words that can adequately describe the sacrificial, devoted, and despite her circumstances joyful life she lived.  To try to put into words who Carolyn was, who she was to each of you, and to describe her extremely personal relationship with Christ only lessens the reality of what that was.  There is so much lost in translation.  It’s like standing on a beach and taking a picture of a magnificent sunset or standing on a mountain peak and capturing a photo of 20 other peaks in the background.  Only to get home and see the photos and realize, they don’t compare to the real thing.  Pictures always pale in comparison.  My words today will pale in comparison to the woman that Carolyn really was.  Most of us in this room today had the privilege of knowing Carolyn.  Honestly, there is no way to capture the beauty of those moments.  If you’ll allow me I’d like to share a “few photos” that I believe highlight who Carolyn was and how following her example can help us become more like Christ. 


(SUN AND BLUE SKY)
The first photo I want to share is a photo of a brilliant sunny sky.  I want each of you to pause for a moment and think of that perfect sunny day.  It’s mid-morning, 65 degrees, the air is cool but as you turn your face to the sun you can feel it’s warmth on your cheek.  The sky is a most brilliant blue.  When I think of this day it brings a smile to my face and feeling of joy to my heart.  This is what Carolyn did for everyone she met.  She was that radiant sun that warmed your face.  Her gentle and joyful spirit overflowed into her wonderful smile.  Carolyn had the best smile.  Her whole face would light up.  I remember it was 1999 and I was working for State Farm Insurance at the time.  I remember walking into an office and being greeted a very nice receptionist.  As I walked in she greeted me and had a smile from one ear to the other.  I thought, “Wow this lady is really happy to see me!”  I quickly discovered she greeted everyone that way.  It wasn’t just me.  It was who Carolyn was.  Carolyn’s smile wasn’t a forced attempt to cover up how she really felt so others would always think everything was ok.  Her smile came from the overflow of her heart.  She had such a joy about her that was very encouraging and heart warming.  You always felt better after being with her.  Her inner joy allowed her to find beauty and fun in the simple things of life.  Whether she was playing games with her daughters or praising God at the top of her lungs on Makinaw Island while riding her bike, her joy was always evident.  It was always evident because her joy wasn’t dependent on external circumstances.  It came from a deep, abiding relationship with Christ.

Carolyn personified Psalm 16:11, “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

How’s your smile?  How’s your heart doing?  I know it’s heavy today but how’s your joy?  Do you find joy in the simple things or are you always searching for that next new thing to bring you joy?  You’ll never find true contentment or joy in anything or anyone.  You’ll only find it in Christ.  The same joy that Carolyn possessed was not an exclusive right.  It’s available to us all. 



(MOUNT FUJI)
The 2nd photo that I think represents Carolyn’s life is that of a rugged, snow-capped mountain.  10 years ago my family and I had the opportunity to go to Tokyo, Japan on a mission trip.  While we there a group of us, including my 10 yr. old and 12 yr. old sons, decided we were going to hike Mount Fuji.  I don’t know if you’ve ever hiked a mountain like that before but it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.  Despite how difficult it was, we all made it the top.  There were certainly points along the way where I really questioned why I was doing what I was doing.  Times I wanted to quit.  Times my sons wanted to quit.  But we kept going.  Carolyn’s life was not without her own Mount Fuji.  In fact she probably had more than 1.  In fact I would say that we all have stood at the base of our own mountains and struggled with the choice of whether to climb or to stay.  Carolyn always chose to climb.  Not only to climb herself but she’d climb with her daughters in tow.  As only a mother could do, she never left her daughters behind. No matter how difficult it was, she did whatever she had to do to bring them along.  How does someone do that?  How do they make it through such difficult times?  They’re able to climb that mountain because they don’t set their hearts on where they are.  They set them on where they’re going. 

Hebrews 12:2 reads,

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning it’s shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Where is your heart when you find yourself in the valley?  Do you find your heart seeking God or questioning God?  Are you listening to people who want you to stay in the valley or people who want to join you in the climb?  Some of you in this room joined Carolyn on her climbs.  I know that Carolyn would want to thank you for joining her, for being there to support her, to encourage her, and probably at times to carry her when she couldn’t go on herself.  We need each other.  Everyone one of us in this room struggles.  Everyone one of us has issues.  You don’t have to stay where you’re at.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, God is for you, not against you.

Carolyn would tell you, lean into Hebrews 13:5, “I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, leave you or forsake you.”  No matter how painful or difficult life gets, you’re never alone.  In Carolyn’s darkest days, days when she didn’t feel like smiling, days when she didn’t feel like climbing, she rested and reminded herself, “God is with me.  If God is for me, then no one can stand against me?”  Her truth is your truth because it’s God’s truth.  Embrace it. 


(SUNSET)
The 3rd and final photo that I wanted to share is that of a glorious setting sun.  There’s nothing I love better than standing at the edge of the ocean and watching the sun fall into the sea.  The reds, yellows, oranges, and purples swirled across the sky.  I could watch it a 1000 times and never grow tired of it.  There are days we all wish would never end.  Sunsets we all wish would never come.  In the last year I’m sure there have been many of those days as many of you were blessed to be able to spend time with Carolyn.  But the harsh reality is that life on this earth, just like the setting of the sun, will come to an end.  The writer of Ecclesiastes said it like this in Ch 3:1,2

 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die…”

Most people don’t want to think about the end of their lives.  Not until circumstances force us to.  For the last year Carolyn was forced to think about hers.  Just like every other time when she was dealt a hand of cards she didn’t deserve, Carolyn did what she always did – she looked up, she looked forward.  She looked beyond what she could see to a place she couldn’t see or touch or feel - at least in her physical body.  But in her heart, it was as real to her as the room we’re all sitting in.  What gave her the ability to do that?  Her faith. 

Carolyn’s life verse was, Psalm 28:7, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.”

Carolyn trusted God because he’d helped her many times before.  Her trust in God was born out of adversity, not privilege.  Carolyn knew God the way she did not because she’d led an easy life and had received everything she always wanted, but because she experienced God whether she had a little or a lot.  Carolyn’s life should inspire us to not think of God as this mystical being in the bye and bye but rather to think of him as a father in the here and now.  He doesn’t  just want to be the God of heaven, he wants to be our Father right here, right now.  He was her strength and shield.  So when faced with life threatening cancer, death had no sting for her because she believed the same Father that had met at the bottom of every other mountain she’d had to climb before would be there for her to climb this one as well.  Her belief was so strong you could see it in her eyes.  Even her doctor, who’d seen many a person gazing into death’s door, noticed something different about her.  The difference was not just who she was, it was who she was with.  With her Father by her side, even death was nothing to be afraid of.

Carolyn’s life was an inspiration to so many.  For those of us that share a common faith, we have hope that goodbye is never forever.  I have no doubt that we will see Carolyn again.  What a glorious day in heaven that will be.  I’m sure she’s already busy helping prepare our reception.

As we leave this place I pray that each of you will take comfort in this verse from Lamentations 3:22-25, “22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”  25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;”

May he comfort us all and give us strength until that glorious day when all of us who have received his precious gift of salvation through his son Jesus shall join him and all of our loved ones in Heaven.


Amen

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