Come home, you who are weary, come home

Since I last updated you, my mom's condition has gone downhill so significantly and so quickly. Late last week I just had this feeling that this coming week her condition would change in a big way. I didn't have anything to pinpoint it exactly. I just saw the tiniest of changes that weren't triggered for any reason other than because her body was preparing the way.

For the last several weeks, my mom has not been open to having visitors. In fact, she was only comfortable with me and my sister staying with her and taking care of her needs. Completely understandable given that slowly dying is a private and intimate event. Instead, she wanted her siblings to wait and gather around her in her final hours. Nevertheless, I thought I would try asking her if she was open to visitors this last weekend. Given that I had this gut feeling that something would shift this coming week, I thought it might be a good idea to let her siblings hang out with her one last time while she still had a bit of her personality and shining light about her. And surprisingly, when I asked, she said "well, yes, that's the plan isn't it?" So on Sunday they all gathered around and while Mom was weak and not very talkative, she was still herself.

On Monday morning, I could tell that she was losing herself. I know that she had lost herself a couple times before, but this time I hadn't changed anything in regards to her medication so I knew - this was because her body was failing and not because of outside changes. That morning was the last time I was able to hear a heartfelt "I love you". As the day progressed her restlessness grew and she became increasingly insecure. She didn't want me to leave her side even to grab a drink of water. I had to try to calm her down over and over again because her mind and her body would not let her rest. By the next morning on Tuesday, her personality was gone - the real Carolyn was gone. Instead we were left with a confused and distraught version of her. Hospice came and explained that it is what's called terminal restlessness and is something all people experience as they near death. By Wednesday evening we had to completely sedate her because she was not able to get herself into a place of peacefulness on her own. Today, she has been resting and sleeping quite a bit - but it's apparent that she is still aware of her surroundings. When we talk to her, she responds in her own way. She seems to enjoy hearing scripture read aloud, "I love you's" and when we brush her hair.

Please be in prayer that she passes peacefully. We don't know how much time she has left but our guess is no more than a week.

Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling,
Calling for you and for me;
See, on the portals He’s waiting and watching,
Watching for you and for me.
Come home, come home, You who are weary, come home;
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, Calling, come home!
Why should we tarry when Jesus is pleading,
Pleading for you and for me?
Why should we linger and heed not His mercies,
Mercies for you and for me?
Time is now fleeting, the moments are passing,
Passing from you and from me;
Shadows are gathering, deathbeds are coming,
Coming for you and for me.
Oh, for the wonderful love He has promised,
Promised for you and for me!
Though we have sinned, He has mercy and pardon,
Pardon for you and for me.