One Year

This past May 12th marks an important day for my mom since her diagnosis of Cholangiocarcinoma cancer. If you remember - the doctor told us then that the average patient with this type of cancer lives only between 6-12 months after diagnosis. Mom has officially made it OVER A YEAR! To celebrate her one year, Melissa and I treated her to a pampered weekend which included a massage at Studio 2000 and a Pedicure!


Mom is doing really well considering the circumstances. She still feels better today than she did a year ago thanks to the chemo having decreased the size of her cancer by 20%! This is incredible and we couldn't be more thankful. Your prayers are working - please never stop praying for her!

A month ago, her doctor commented that he was incredibly impressed by how well her body has been responding to treatments. He even said that some patients are able to survive several more years when the chemo treatments are staving off the growth of the cancer. However, our excitement to hear this great progress report was short lived. Last week Mom's CT scan results revealed her cancer was beginning to grow again - albeit a very small percentage of growth. This means the chemo treatment that she was on was no longer working; the cancer is regaining it's strength and has learned to fight back.

As of today, she is starting a new chemo treatment that hasn't proven quite as effective as her previous treatment, but can help fight her cancer differently so that it delays further growth. This new treatment is so tough on the body that she has to wear a drip and carry chemo in a bag for 2 days post-treatment. She will also be extremely sensitive to cold temperatures for the few days following the treatment - so much so that she has to wear gloves when reaching into the freezer or can't have cold air blow on her face. Otherwise, the nerve sensitivity causes her muscles to coil back resulting in a tingling sensation for mom.

We were told by the nurse today that typically when the first treatment stops working, the second chemo treatment won't have as great of an impact as the first one. So given that the first chemo treatment worked for one year, this second chemo treatment may only work in keeping the cancer from growing for 6 months ... or 3 months ... we won't really know other than that it definitely won't work for a year.

So for now, we are just grateful that there are other options to extend Mom's life. And are grateful for each and every day that we continue to have her in our lives. It's crazy to think that a year ago we thought she wouldn't be with us today. Please continue to pray for Mom that this chemo treatment will have a good impact on her cancer and her body. You may remember that when she started her first chemo treatments a year ago, she got very sick for several rounds and she is nervous that this new treatment will take her back to those days when she was laid up in bed for a couple days and susceptible to ER visits.

For those of you who may not be friends with my mom on facebook, I thought I'd share a few of her recent status updates given that I've been so far behind in providing updates.

November 20
Had chemo yesterday! Very long day with the Simon Cancer Center switching over to new computer system and everyone trying to acclimate....got there at 9:30 and didn't leave until 6! Oh well...  I was talking to a very old friend this weekend who I hadn't seen since I was in my early 20's. He was stating how I looked like a picture of good health. I told him how when I first was diagnosed with cancer, I had a revelation. The very minute I walked back into the world and looked at the "picture of good health" people: lady next to me in her car, or the stern face of a man in the grocery store, or the young mother struggling with her pre-school children....it dawned on me that they could have cancer. Yeah, there's no big, fat "C" stamped on their forehead...no way to tell what is going on "deep" in their lives. And it doesn't even have to be the ugly c word....just all the trials and heartaches on the deeper level that we can't see. Gave me a bigger heart and compassion for the grouchy and unhappy faces I come across in my daily life.  It was so awesome to catch up with a great old friend!  ...But thinking more, God never promised there wouldn't be trials and tribulations on our walk here on earth...  John 16:32-33 "A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  Trials and heartaches have purpose though as they draw us closer to Him who is ultimately why we are placed here on earth ...to glorify Him. Sure difficult to see Him if all the obstacles of happiness and fortune and great health block our vision: James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds," James 1:12 "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." 

December 4
I had chemo yesterday.....and I have a prayer request for all of you prayer warriors. It is not so much for me but for my oncologist. He and I have become "friends" in a sense due to all my doctor visits. I typically have someone go with me to my chemo infusions but elected to go alone yesterday to have a little bit of "peace and quiet" after the holidays. So my meeting with the doctor was just the two of us. We talked quite a bit ....and then he asked me if I was a little afraid of death....just at least a teensy bit afraid. I could honestly with all my heart tell him that I don't have any fear at all of death. I have had a LONG personal relationship with my Lord Jesus, and honestly and truly look forward to seeing Him. He was very intrigued by such faith as he said in his years of practice, he has never seen anyone like me with that kind of faith (which I find hard to believe bec I know he has had to see a number of Christians over the years)...but nevertheless, it lead right into our conversation about Christ. He went to church when he was young with his family and when he was a young teenager, his parents just stopped going. He doesn't know what he believes....but he accepts believing that there is just this life and helping people as he does in his practice. He said that he sees death quite a bit in oncology and that he is reminded to daily help people as that is his "purpose." He said no one has really talked to him about Christ and doesn't really know how he feels about "all of it." Obviously, we did not have a whole lot of time to discuss it....but I asked him to give it more thought and energy ...at least to give his own young children hope and that I would be fervently praying for him. He chuckled and said okay. If this is all we have to live for, life to me is just not worth the living. If this is all we live for, then we have accepted only the dry crumbs off a glorious banquet table of our Heavenly Father's...our Heavenly Father has so much more for those who love Him and has accepted His Son as our own personal Lord and Savior. My prayer request for the prayer warriors is to pray for my oncologist's salvation....he is a warm, kind, compassionate young man who sincerely cares about people. 

December 8
Since my last post, I was asked to give my own "story" or testimony when I accepted Jesus as my own personal Lord and Savior. It is a simple story...nothing earth shattering for sure...and I only share if maybe it could be an encouragement. I also write this to have on my timeline for my daughters for the days ahead...  When my family moved from a farm and from all of our extended family in southeastern Indiana, we came to Indianapolis. That was my first memory of going to Sunday School. I have vivid memories of my little Sunday School classes and the impression the Sunday School teachers made on me of who Jesus is as just a little girl of 5 years old. My Sunday School teacher led me to the Lord in salvation in those early years. Knowing my personality to want to please and that I had always been a people pleaser, I struggled with that "decision" I had made as a little girl throughout my high school years. I wanted to make sure I truly was saved and put to rest all of my doubts, so at the age of 19, I got my on knees and went verse by verse, asking God to forgive me for my sins and then accepted His gift of salvation through His Son dying on the cross for my sins.  Romans 3:10 Romans 3:23 John 8:34 Romans 5:12 Romans 6:23 Romans 5:8 John 3:16 Romans 10:9-10 Roman 10:13 I John 5:10 and 13  (I don't discredit salvation at an early age, by any means. My daughter was saved when she was 6 years old ...and was truly saved. She went to a private Christian school and each day after her kindergarten teacher read a Bible story to the class, she would come home asking to be saved. I didn't want to push it...but after the 4th day realizing how sincere she was, I talked to her to be sure she understood that she was a sinner and exactly what Jesus did for her. She understood. We got on our knees and I led her to the Lord.)  When I was about 20 years old, I met a special person in my employment at the phone company. Debra and I became awesome friends and to this day, she is one of my very best friends (one- I have a few best friends. lol!). She led a small Bible class in her home. This friendship and guidance became a pivotal point in my life and I had a renewed dedication to study His Word. I then became a mother at the age of 28 and was a stay-at-home mom. This too was a strong growing time in my journey as I listened daily to some of the best Christian radio speakers, such as Dr. James Dobson, Chuck Swindoll, Charles Stanley.....and especially my favorite, Elisabeth Elliott. God used these daily programs to transform my life and build a strong, solid foundation in my relationship with the Lord along with a personal, daily Bible quiet time.  When my girls were ages 3 and 5, I started going to weekly BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). They have a pre-school program so the children learned the same lesson which was adapted for their age. BSF is an excellent non-denominational study created to really make you think. The lady (can't remember her name) who created the first BSF years ago was a missionary overseas but she was called back home to CA. Her friends and neighbors asked her to lead a Bible study for them. She felt like Americans were spoiled as we have the tools at our fingertips to learn His Word and she was not going to spoon feed these ladies. The Bible study is for you to learn (....and learn, I did. :D) The BSF is now being offered all over the world and is very popular. There are BSF studies being offered all over Indiana...which I encourage everyone to go; both days and evening classes offered. They also offer the classes for men now too. (can check out online)  I had trials throughout those early years of my life that strengthened my faith and trust in Him....but my biggest trial happened 15 years ago. I had the rug pulled out from under me which I did not see coming. I went through a divorce....and as a stay-at-home mother with children that was a very frightening experience. I suffered from panic attacks and severe panics of fear. I won't go into details but it was a dark valley for me ...and I had to lean on God like I never did before. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it was God who carried me through those months of despair in my life. I carried my Bible with me everywhere I went and committed about 15+ verses to memory. I needed to be able to recall those verses at any given moment to strengthen me when I could feel myself slipping under and drowning...which was frequent that first year. I claimed that experience as the monumental growth in my walk with the Lord. I was in a complete daze and know without any question that if it wasn't for my Lord, I couldn't have made it and I would have been a different person today.  Since then I have had more trials, but with each disappointment and grief, I grew stronger in my faith and trust in Him. It is through those bad times that you grow the most. When things are all good and going well, your dedication and determination to seek Him is pushed into the background and many times obsolete. Hard times can either make you angry and bitter....or if you allow Him, it can cause you to seek your Father's face and draw nearer to him...and GROW. The Lord becomes your best friend, as most times when you are at the end of yourself, no one can help you. Yes, you can discuss it with a friend, but you still walk away with the same troubles and broken heart. I learned the only one that I could turn to who really gave me true comfort and peace, was my Lord. I went through a short period in one particular trial where I would question Him ....but I learned that when I questioned Him, it started to become a habit and I became angry and bitter. I shortly learned that I needed to only trust Him...no questions asked. I did not want any break in my fellowship with Him. He is Sovereign and can be trusted as He sees the full picture and knows what is best. And there is no sweeter place to be than in His will. Elisabeth Elliott (missionary losing her husband to the Auca Indians in the jungle with her little 2 year old daughter) used to say, "Peace lies in acceptance."  James 4:8 "Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh unto you."  I read many Christian books over the years, but my favorites are: "Hiding Place" - Corrie ten Boom "Evidence Not Seen" - Darlene Deibler Rose "Trusting God Even When Life Hurts" - Jerry Bridges "Stepping Heavenward" - Elizabeth Prentiss (I believe most of these books are now out of print and probably only can be found on Amazon or Ebay..but they are worth the reading) When I was in the darkest of my times though, there is no reading like the Bible.  Some of my favorite quotes: C.S. Lewis "Suffering is God's megaphone. He whispers to us in our joys, speaks to us in our conscience, and shouts to us in our pain." Tim Keller "The mark of one who really knows Jesus is not that Jesus gives you everything you want but that you continue to walk with Him when He doesn't." Tim Keller "We should avoid the smugness of worry. You only worry if you are totally sure how life must go." (see Mark 10:32-52) Oswald Chambers "Patience is more than endurance. A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains and every now and again the saint says - "I cannot stand any more." God does not heed, He goes on stretching til His Purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God's hands. Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith. 'Though He slay me, yet will I wait for Him.'" J.R. Miller "The sweetest things in this world today have come to us through tears and pain." 

January 15
Had my first chemo yesterday (since mid-December for my Christmas break)! Was so so very nice to have a break.... almost too long of a break as it is hard to go back to "chemo life"!! To top things off after a couple days of feeling a little blue of not wanting to go back, a senior financial planner of the IU cancer center comes to me in the middle of my day long infusion (already feeling the drowsiness of the medication) ...and proceeds to tell me that my insurance provider, United Health Care (being one of the largest providers in the nation) is under negotiations with their contract which expired the last day of 2013 and I might not be able to continue with my oncologist or IU cancer center (all being related to Obamacare ...grrr). Needless to say, my head was spinning and my heart was racing. I explained to her that I am not supposed to be here today but because of my incredible oncologist, his expert care and work against this particular rare cancer has added time to my life and I would be extremely disappointed to lose him....and to lose the care of the great nursing staff of the IU cancer center. She went back to her office and came back an hour later to say she is working on something called a "gap" something for a small temporary timeframe...it was extremely difficult to understand the jargon and what she was saying, but leaving this in His hands. I ask please for all the prayer warriors to join me in my prayers to keep my wonderful oncologist and the care of the IU cancer center. Thank you!! God bless you!! 

February 11 
Going in for another round of chemo. My heart is full of His joy today though bec His Holy Word always gives me peace and comfort!! Praise The Lord for His love!! 

February 12
Little miracle yesterday in chemo. One of the special sweet little nurses (same age as my daughter) was interested in knowing more about me. I shared my faith with her. She kept coming back and hanging out with me wanting to know more. When it was time for me to leave, she kept hugging me...and shared with me that it was her last day (got a new job). Her last day!! So thankful to have that chance to talk with her!! God is good to prompt that special time w her!! 

February 25
I had a CT scan today. Doc called late afternoon (instead of giving update tomorrow at my sch'd appt) ...seems I have 2 blood clots in my right lung. Chemo is still working...so cancer remains same. However, chemo sometimes causes blood clots. So I will now be having daily blood thinning injections. My prayer is that the 2 clots be resolved quickly. I so so appreciate your prayers. 

February 26
Thank you for all your prayers!!! I appreciate you and your kindness so much!! I do have good news!! The blood clots are very small and not to be of great concern according to the doctor yesterday at my appointment. Seems he saved that bit of information when he called the evening before because...well...I have a tendency to be a little defiant when it comes to taking my prescriptions. I have a ton of nausea prescriptions and I think they're a waste of time (we've adjusted them a million times)....I have just learned to eat what does taste good and then eat ALOT of it! Anyways, he was afraid I would blow him off and not get the blood thinning prescription! *blush* sorry to cause more concern than necessary. I had the normal reaction to allergic reaction to chemo yesterday so was given Benadryl...so I was only able to play two games of Banana-grams with my daughter at the hospital before I fell asleep. Slept long past infusion was over!! Benadryl knocks me out!! Came home and went straight to bed and slept like a baby!! 

April 16
I have some GOOD NEWS to share with you! The "one year anniversary" of the bad news is coming up in May in learning that the cancer was terminal. At that time the oncologist had given me anywhere from 3 months to a year (depending on whether or not I chose to take the chemo). There has been a ton of prayers lifted up on my behalf and I know quite a number of them have been from you! And I THANK YOU!!!!! The doc has told me that I have at least another 6 months...he's pretty confident of that and wasn't shy about sharing it. He typically wouldn't be cornered into giving a timeline other than the initial prognosis. Thank you to all of you wonderful prayer warriors!! It is a gift that I am seriously humbled to be in your prayers and in your thoughts. There are no words to express my gratitude and love! God hears our prayers and I love HIM beyond words! His love and mercy is beautiful...no matter what is given. Isaiah 43:4 "...You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you..." (Jan Broughton, this is the verse I was referring to yesterday...you have to look it up to see the whole thing :D) 

June 2 
I love the book of Philippians but especially love Chapter 4:  "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.... practice these things and the God of peace will be with you.  ...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."  Praising God for His Word of encouragement and His "recipe" for contentment....which peace and joy lies in contentment! 

June 4
Update: I had an oncologist appt last week that wasn't the best news...but it could be worst. (Waited to post until my brother and his family returned from vacation to give them update first.) The chemo I was on is no longer working. Cancer is growing now. However they have another chemo "recipe" we're going to try. I'm in hospital now for this "new" infusion. It holds a new set of side-effects and hurdles...  My prayer is that I have good success with this chemo as I had with the last one ...and praying with minimal side-effects...and that God grants me another 6 months. I haven't finished my letters to daughters (and granddaughters) as I took a break (writer's cramp) thinking I had plenty of time. My goal was a letter a day each for one year for my two daughters....and then letters for special milestones for my two granddaughters.  Thank you so much for all your kind words, gifts, cards...and especially prayers! There is such encouragement in the kindness and love you show!