I know it has been awhile since I've provided an update about my mom. Her doctor has had her take a break from chemo for awhile so that her body can recover. Apparently you can't endure chemo for too long before it starts to kill your body itself. It was a nice break for Mom to enjoy Christmas and the New Year with her family without having to endure the side affects of chemo.
After the New Year, there were several posts on facebook from people re-capping how 2013 treated them. Some hoped 2014 would be better than the last, and others appreciated the blessings bestowed on them. As I reflected on 2013 for me and the family, it is with mixed emotions. How do you describe this last year in a short facebook post? How do you describe it at all?
As I reflect back to that day when the doctor told us she would most certainly die from this cancer I can only remember the frenzy of activity afterwards and the grief that rolled over my sister and I. We felt that we'd already lost our mom even though she was still with us. I didnt know that I could cry that hard; I started mourning over the time I would be losing with her.
She would no longer be a phone call away.
She wouldn't be there anymore to share trials and blessings.
She may never meet my children.
She won't be there to help me learn how to be a mom.
She wont see Chandler and Taylor grow up.
She will be just .... gone.
There is nothing like going to bed at night and dreaming that the deadly cancer was just a joke and that mom is actually just fine ... and feeling so much relief and happiness ... to suddenly waking up to realize you are actually living a nightmare.
After a couple of weeks of this, I became numb. You sort of have to.
I remember going into work the DAY AFTER I found out that Mom had cancer and co-workers (unaware of what was going on) asking the simple question of "How are you?" and answering "Fine" with a tight smile plastered across my face. The monday after her actual diagnosis I walked to my car with a co-worker and they innocently asked "How was your weekend?" and I responded with "Great!" I kept that smile on my face as I got into the car, but as I was driving out of the garage I had to re-park because I couldn't stop the sobs that kept me from seeing where I was going.
What a difference 7 months can make in our attitudes and outlook on God's plan for our family. After those first couple of months, something incredible happened. After many nights of crying out to God ... the whole family crying out to God ... an unexplainable peace washed over us. We were able to spend time together without grieving. We were able to enjoy just us. We were able to accept God's plan for our lives. Mom's incredible attitude and excitement about going to Heaven to meet her Father was hugely impactful on Melissa and I as we dealt with our grief.
So many blessings have occurred since mom's diagnosis. Melissa has a new job. Wes has a new job. Chandler started school. Mom gets to be a "stay-at-home-grandma" with precious time spent with Taylor. Mom no longer has to worry about the future. Wes and I were able to move out of our apartment and into Irvington to be closer to her - if Mom's diagnosis had occurred even a month later we would already have been locked into another year lease at our apartment. And that same apartment complex was where a police officer was shot and killed while intervening during a domestic dispute. Several months before Mom's diagnosis Wes and I started seeing a financial planner for our own personal goals ... but he was then able to step in and talk about the financial implications of Mom's situation and guide us through next steps.
Mom has been able to share the gospel with many people. God has used Mom in so many incredible ways through this process that she would never have been able to do if it weren't for His plan. All these years He has been preparing Mom for this ... in so many ways.
He knows - He loves - He cares - He always has a plan.
Even if it isnt what you pictured.
He knows - He loves - He cares - He always has a plan.
And it is far more beautiful than anything we could have ever imagined.
2013 was beautiful for our family. I hope it was the same for you.
